We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
