So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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