i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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