standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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