I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
