if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
