She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i out mim tonsoeep
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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