You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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