If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
