All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
