when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
