this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
