So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
