Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You've changed since you got that strap on
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
