i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
