well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
