I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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