god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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