He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
