Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
