I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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