There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
