Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just sucked dick on a ferry
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
