Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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