I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My hand turned me down
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
