yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
