Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
