I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
