i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
