Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
