is your mom at the bar?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
