If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
