Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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