I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
