He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
