I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
