I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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