She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
