I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
