Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's the barista slut.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
