so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
