guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
