I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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