Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
