I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
