If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
