remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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