I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
