It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
