I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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