bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
