But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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