We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
