Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
