You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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