Whod you bang
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
