Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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