i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
