okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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